![]() ![]() It is so easy to be hurt, to internalize the pain, and to let our loved one’s emotional lightning harm us instead. This is the reason I ask guardians to model this with their children and not the inverse. The wisdom passed from uncle to nephew is simple, yet its guidance fits the message of my writing today, “…you must not let the lightning pass through your heart, or the damage could be deadly.” I suppose, as with cartoons, so too with therapy: the critical part of being a lightning rod is letting the emotionality pass through you without attaching to the words or energy behind it. To reference one of the most beloved shows for many of the students I have worked with over the years, and one that I find myself discussing in sessions fairly often, (the Nickelodeon animated series, Avatar: The Last Airbender), there is actually a scene in which a character is tasked with redirecting lightning. I started to develop a question of my own, “How does one explain the theoretical underpinnings of an approach when the immediate response leaves family members feeling just as raw, vulnerable, hurt, and unheard as their children?” Well, the short answer has been, “I can’t.” Unfortunately, this work is objectively unfair at times, and I do ask caregivers to take on these extra burdens for their children (when they have the capacity for it). was so disrespectful and I’m supposed to say thank you for expressing yourself?” I was met with questions like: “Why should I let my child treat me this way?” “That letter/call/etc. My coaching, though oriented towards guiding families towards reflecting, containing, seeing, hearing, etc., started to feel more and more unfair. In functioning somewhat as a bridge in communication between child and guardian, I regularly found myself struggling to guide this process in a productive direction. ![]() This looked like letters filled with reactivity, manipulation, and hurtful jabs and phone calls that turned into one-sided tirades. My focus today is for those of you who are being confronted with your loved ones’ pain, and who do have the bandwidth and willingness to receive some part of that.īeginning this summer, I noticed a fairly consistent uptick in the number of cases where a child was directing a titanic amount of anger, aggression, and hurt towards their caregivers. If that is the case, this writing, in this particular moment, may not be for you. I have the utmost respect for individuals who can be clear and loving with their limits. Some of the most empowering moments I have ever seen in this work are those in which a caregiver has named their boundary, described their limit, or said sorry, knowing that there was no extra room in their cup. I do want to name at the onset of this piece, that there are times where it is absolutely unsafe to do this, so it is critical to check-in with yourself about your capacity and desire to place yourself in the path of someone else’s pain. It can be terribly painful work however, it can also be incredibly powerful if one has the bandwidth to do so. When I write, “being a lightning rod,” what I mean is being willing to step into the path of rage, anger, and the intensity of however many kilowatts of emotion our loved ones are feeling. ![]() Posted by Anthony Salerno on January 19, 2022 Email Subscribe via Email Being a Lightning Rod ![]()
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